This Is Your Brain On The Law

I remember reading once that law school is nothing more than a boot camp for the mind. This sentiment is not far from the truth. I spent my 1L year arguing repeatedly with professors (I was that guy) because, at times, the law defies common sense, fairness, decency, and good community values. By the end of my law school career, like all properly trained lawyers, I too would look at common situations, see a flaw, declare, "well that's just a lawsuit waiting to happen," and start to picture all the potentially liable parties while imagining whose pockets were deepest.

Last night while attending Church, my lawdar suddenly kicked on during the First Reading from Genesis 3:11-19:

11 Then [the LORD God] asked, "Who told you that you were naked? You have eaten, then, from the tree of which I had forbidden you to eat!"
12 The man replied, "The woman whom you put here with me - she gave me fruit from the tree, so I ate it."
13 The LORD God then asked the woman, "Why did you do such a thing?" The woman answered, "The serpent tricked me into it, so I ate it."
14 Then the LORD God said to the serpent: "Because you have done this, you shall be banned from all the animals and from all the wild creatures; On your belly shall you crawl, and dirt shall you eat all the days of your life.
15 I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; He will strike at your head, while you strike at his heel."
16 To the woman he said: "I will intensify the pangs of your childbearing; in pain shall you bring forth children. Yet your urge shall be for your husband, and he shall be your master."
17 To the man he said: "Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree of which I had forbidden you to eat, "Cursed be the ground because of you! In toil shall you eat its yield all the days of your life.
18 Thorns and thistles shall it bring forth to you, as you eat of the plants of the field.
19 By the sweat of your face shall you get bread to eat, Until you return to the ground, from which you were taken; For you are dirt, and to dirt you shall return."

Here we have the worlds first (unsuccessful) attempt at blame shifting. God asks Adam if he ate the apple. Eve made me do it. God asks Eve why she gave Adam the apple. The serpent made me do it. Surprisingly, the serpent didn't note that he had a rough childhood, couldn't help but trick Eve, and ask for a more lenient banishment. In today's litigious society, each of Adam, Eve, and the serpent would likely have done little or no time for theft or possession of stolen property, and spent years in court litigating civilly who was ultimately liable to whom for what. Sadly, their lame excuses probably would result in reduced criminal sentences.

God, however, was the original hardline judge. He instantly threw the book at three AND their progeny. Life sentences for all and curses on their ancestors. Talk about a speedy trial and tough justice!